i really hate my helplessness. this is not the rebecca anyone would have know.

this is not the me i know.

my collar is soaked in tears, my face is sticky from crying.

you said you'd be having dinner at 1130 pm, and i told you i'd wait for you to end, you PROMISED to call.

i waited, told myself i'm not tired, forced myself to sit up, wrestled my heavy eyelids 

and its 230 am now.

should've know that it was never a promise, it was just one of those things you just shot off your mouth.

this is really not the first time, you dont give a damn anymore do you?

i'm really sick and tired of crying myself to sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

i simply hate the me that i am now.

i just don't know if i can continue hanging on, so many things tell me that this is the end.

but i know deep down i cannot let go. 

whichever decision i make is going to kill me silently.

1 year is neither short nor long, but our relationship cannot be

measured by the time we spent together because we've been through so much in this short period.

seriously, everything i see is going to remind me of you. 

singapore river, pepper lunch, beer, spin, starbucks, coffee, mtv, csi, istana, cineleisure, hereen, plaza singapura, movies, nachos, my school work.. you name it.

i cannot stand the thought of seeing you but never being able to kiss you again.

and then, who am i to turn to? the only person i ever learnt to trust in this past year has forsaken me. was i wrong to have given up my entire world for you? i really want you to say no.

God? i guess i've left God too.. 

 

but if i stay, i'm going to have to put up with your coldness towards me.

i have so much to tell you everyday, but you're just not there for me anymore.

all you ever do i blow your top, scream and be impatient with me.

where did the ryan i knew a year go? i want my boyfriend back please..

has your uprising career gotten into your head? come back please?

i've missed you, i need you and i really love you. but do you?

i feel like such a fool.

i've never fallen this deep into any relationship before.

please save me.

are you just gonna wake up tomorrow morning, and pretend you just forgot again, take it as an honest mistake on your part? so how should i react? its affected me so much. 

the words we say to each other everyday.. i can totally count them with 10 fingers.

what's become of this relationship? 

what happened to i'll always be there for you?

what happened to i will always love you?

sorry crew

i'm sorry, i just needed an outlet